..to The Tap-Inn. Where you can tap in to the world of soccer with me, your first-gen Irish Tap-Inn bartender, Joe.

It’s Friday and it’s Tap-Inn o’clock. Stop what you’re doing and pour yourself a cold one. We’ve another beauty on tap for you today:

Let’s get into it.

Every bar has that one regular who just won't quit.

Shows up every week, orders the same beer, still parked on the stool at closing time. You've never seen them tired. You've never seen them leave early. Twenty years at the bar and they look exactly the same.

In soccer, that guy is Cristiano Ronaldo — 41 years old, playing in Saudi Arabia, and 35 goals away from doing something no human being has ever officially done in his sport.

“35 goals from what?”

Playing for Al-Nassr in Saudi Arabia, Ronaldo needs 35 more goals to reach 1,000. That's goals scored in official competitive club matches plus all international appearances: club league games, domestic cups, continental competitions, and any game he plays for Portugal (including warm-ups and friendlies). The only things that don't count are club friendlies and exhibition games.

He started his career at Sporting Lisbon at just 17, before moving to Manchester United, then Real Madrid, Juventus, back to United, and eventually Saudi Arabia. Over two decades, through every league and stage, the goals have never stopped coming.

He's averaged roughly 40 a year. For 24 years. One way or another, the four-digit mark is coming. I’m penciling it in for late 2026, mayyybe early 2027.

Still doesn't sound that hard? Consider this: at 25, Erling Haaland is probably the best striker on the planet. After nearly 10 years as a professional and over 340 career goals, his best ever season was 52 strikes. Even if he miraculously sustained that career-best form for another ten years, he'd still be over 100 goals away — that’s how incredible Ronnie’s feat really is.

"Hang on, Joe — didn't Pelé score 1,000 goals?"

Sort of. Pelé scored over 1,280 goals in his career and both FIFA and Guinness World Records back that up. But more than 500 of those came in unofficial matches — friendlies, exhibition tours and games against the likes of Saudi Arabia's under-23s, Uruguay's armed forces, and Rio de Janeiro's athletes' union.

Not exactly top shelf opposition, is it? And no, I will not be saying that to the faces of the armed forces of Uruguay, thank you very much.

“What about the Messi fella?”

Messi — Ronaldo's eternal rival, the quiet Malbec to his loud champagne — sits around 880 career goals. At 38 and playing in America with Inter Miami (fewer games per season than European teams), the numbers aren’t working in his favour.

Most people would say he’ll just fall short. But then again, Messi has spent his entire career proving people wrong…

“How’s this compare to other sports?”

Gretzky scored 894 regular season goals. Brady threw 737 touchdown passes. Bonds hit 762 home runs. The greatest athletes in American sports history still couldn't get there — that's the kind of number a grand is.

Now please excuse me while I go grab 1,000 beers.

This is when the Champions League starts to get really tasty.

The 16 best teams in Europe face off against each other in play-off games. Teams play each other home and away, the winners of each tie go through to the quarter finals. It was a veeerrryyyy entertaining two days, we had shocks, stalemates and hammerings. Let’s take a closer look.

Inter Miami poured themselves a dull 0-0 with Nashville SC on Wednesday in a rather quiet week for Lionel Messi — for once. No riots, no referee changing room incidents, no international incidents of any kind. Just a 5ft 7 Argentinian playing a quiet scoreless draw in MLS.

Now watch him go and score four in his next game.

After a break last week for the FA Cup, the Premier League returns. Some great games on tap this weekend:

Man City, Chelsea, Sporting and Atalanta are all hoping for some big comebacks next week but, what's the biggest first leg deficit ever overturned in the Champions League?

Keep scrolling for the answer. 👇

I've always wondered what players get up to at training camp when they're not training. Watch TV, play cards, table tennis tournaments. The usual. But the USMNT's World Cup base in Irvine, California has something a little different on offer — a tethered helium balloon that rises 400 feet and gives a 360 degree view of Orange County.

Yes. You read that correctly.

Other than the ability to fly, there are many other strategic reasons why Great Park in Irvine, California was chosen by the higher-ups in US soccer. Its world-class facilities, close proximity to two of the USMNT’s group games in SoFi stadium, and similarities to the squad’s base in the 2022 WC in Qatar make it the perfect launch point for our boys in stars and stripes.

The tethered helium balloon costs $10 a ride. I wonder if there’s a USMNT discount for Chris and the boys?

Phrase: Counter-attack

Origin: Originating from military terminology, describing a retaliatory strike intended to catch an opponent off-guard after their own attack has broken down.

Definition: When a team wins the ball back while the opposition is out of position — and immediately attacks before the defence can recover. Fast, direct, lethal.

Usage: "They’ve just been hit on the counter-attack" — "Man Utd are the best counter-attacking team in the league."

March 13, 2011: Things got weird in the San Siro. While the crowd filtered in to watch a game between AC Milan and Bari, the players got up to an unusual warm-up routine. Instead of the usual running, kicking the ball around, shooting practice etc, players began doing handstands, ballet and even playing frisbee.

What was it all about? Turns out it wasn’t the players at all - it was a publicity stunt by Italian newspaper Gazzetta dello Sportas using lookalikes.

Don’t believe everything you see on TV, reader.

If you’ve been sat at the bar with us for a while, thanks for sticking around. If you’ve only just pulled up a stool, you’re just as welcome. Either way, we could use your help.

If you know someone who could do with brushing up on their soccer language or just wants to understand the game a bit better, send them this newsletter. Word of mouth really helps us grow. Or if that friend needs a team to support, send them to our personality-based quiz that will help pick one for them.

And if you’ve been enjoying tapping in, tell us what you want more of. Just hit reply and say something like:

“Hey Joe, give me more of ___.”

We’re building this with you and for you, so the more we hear from you, the better it gets. Sláinte.

On March 8th, 2017, Messi and co. pulled off one of the greatest comebacks in Champions League history. Trailing 4-0 from the previous leg, Barcelona beat PSG 6-1 to advance to the quarter finals.

The game is famously known as La Remontada (the comeback). Take 4 minutes and 55 seconds for yourself and enjoy highlights here.

Thanks for stopping by The Tap-Inn.

If you enjoyed this, forward it to that friend who knows nothing about soccer and help spread the good word.

I’ll be behind the bar every week, Monday and Friday, serving up soccer. Sláinte.

— Joe