..to The Tap-Inn. Where you can tap in to the world of soccer with me, your first-gen Irish Tap-Inn head bartender, Joe.

This week we’re covering what gets you on the ref’s naughty list. Please enjoy our ingenius bouncer/referee metaphor which details an unfortunate night in at the Tap-Inn for one particular patron (definitely not me).

The Tap-Inn bouncer is our in-house referee. He takes no bullsh*t, keeps things in order and wears ‘enforcement’ on his face as if it was etched in stone. His name is Big Tony.

When Big Tony sees you bumping into someone and spilling half your 8% ABV Juicy IPA on the floor, you’re getting a talking to. Nothing serious, just a quick word in your ear:

“Easy, cowboy.”

That’s a foul. In soccer, a foul results in a free kick to the opposing team and then play can continue. It’s no biggie.

After 4 or 5 of these delicious refreshing beverages, you’re starting to lose the battle against gravity and before you know it you’ve crashed into a waitress carrying a tray of glasses. As she fetches the brush, Big Tony steps in.

“You’re on thin ice, champ.”

That’s your first yellow card. It’s a pretty serious offence you’ve just committed and rightly, the ref’s reached for the pocket (where he keeps his cards and notebook of who he’s giving them to).

But it’s too late. The wheels of rowdiness are well and truly in motion. You return to the bar counter and demand jagerbombs. Five of them. You reach your arm out to pay and unwittingly send the go-go juice all over the bartender. Poor hand-eye coordination - curse of the inebriate.

“I’m gonna have to ask you to step outside.”

Tony’s called it. You’ve gotten your second warning, your second caution, your second booking. When you get two yellow cards, that results in a red card. You’re ejected from the bar and kicked out of the game. You’ve been sent off.

It is also possible to get a red card straight up. If Tony sees you engaging in some serious misconduct such as throwing your guts up all over The Tap-Inn, that’s a straight red card. You’re kicked to the curb.

Remember, Big Tony’s watching.

Q: What’s the record for the most cards in a World Cup game?

After a big win in German during the week, Liverpool have plummeted back down to earth with a humbling 3-2 loss away to Brentford. Liverpool manager, Arne Slot admitted after the game that his team has “no answer” to long balls and throw in’s (a recent trend in soccer).

After the high of beating Liverpool last week, the Red Devils built on their success by beating Brighton 4-2 at home. That is now 3 wins in a row for Utd, the first time they’ve managed that since February 2024. Firing.

Real Madrid defeated bitter rivals, Barcelona 2-1 in El Clásico. Just to be clear, I DID NOT predict a Barcelona win and Rashford masterclass in Fridays newsletter. Moving on….

Liverpool 2006-08 long sleeve. I only see Fernando Torres in this. Click here to buy it for a mere $245.

The World Cup trophy isn’t solid gold — it’s mostly copper. If it were pure gold, it’d weigh around 150 pounds. You’d need two midfielders and a forklift to lift it.

A: The record for most yellow cards is 18, set in the 2022 quarter-final between Argentina and the Netherlands. Feisty.

Thanks for stopping by The Tap-Inn.

If you enjoyed this, forward it to that friend who knows nothing about soccer and help spread the good word.

I’ll be behind the bar every week, Monday and Friday, serving up soccer. Sláinte.

— Joe