..to The Tap-Inn. Where you can tap in to the world of soccer with me, your first-gen Irish Tap-Inn bartender, Joe.

This Friday:

Let’s pour.

Welcome to squeaky bum time.

You’d be forgiven for thinking that phrase is related to a customer who’s spent too long drinking Guinness at the bar, but no. It was coined back in 2003 by Sir Alex Ferguson, the legendary Manchester United manager. He used it to describe the nerve-shredding final stages of a tight Premier League title race. US sports have the Play-Offs, the EPL has squeaky bum time.

🔴 Arsenal sit top of the table with 67 points. On Wednesday, Bukayo Saka marked his 300th Arsenal appearance by scoring the only goal in a 1-0 win at Brighton. Nervy. Scrappy. Professional. Exactly what potential title-winners do. But regular readers know they’ve been here before and couldn’t get it done.

🔵 Manchester City are 7 points back. While Saka was hitting the net in Brighton, City led Nottingham Forest twice at home but couldn't hold on. Final score: 2-2. A last-minute clearance off the line was all that stopped City from snatching a winner. That's the kind of result that stings at last call.

The next best team is Manchester United, 16 points behind Arsenal, making it a pretty much impossible for them to catch the leaders.

City have played one fewer match than Arsenal. That’s called a game in hand in soccer-speak. So on paper, if they win that extra game, they could close the gap to 4 points.

Mark the Diary: April 18th. Arsenal travel to Manchester to face Man City in the Etihad Stadium. If Arsenal are still 7 points clear by then and they win, it's basically over. If City have closed the gap and/or get a win at home. Buckle up.

Think of it this way. In the NFL, your regular season is basically a qualification round, you can have a rough patch and still make the playoffs, then get hot at the right time. In the Premier League, there are no playoffs. No second chances. Whoever has the most points after 38 games, wins. That's it. So dropped points don't just hurt — they stay on your record all season.

It also means the drama doesn't come from one big event — it builds slowly, week by week, all the way to the final day of games in May. Every result matters, including games your team isn’t even playing in.

Arsenal, for what it's worth, haven't won the Premier League since 2003-04. That was the legendary "Invincibles" season — 38 games, unbeaten, still one of the greatest achievements in soccer history.

Outside of Arsenal and Man City, there was a full round of midweek games elsewhere in the EPL.

⚽ Newcastle 2–1 Manchester United — Newcastle went down to 10 men before halftime, immediately conceded a penalty, then somehow won it through a stunning William Osula curler in the 90th minute. It was Michael Carrick's first defeat since taking the Man United job, ending an eight-game unbeaten run. Ten men. Last kick. Pure drama. St. James' Park absolutely lost its mind.

⚽ Wolves 2–1 Liverpool — Defending champions drop points to a struggling Wolves side.

⚽ Chelsea 4–1 Aston Villa — Joao Pedro hat-trick. New manager Liam Rosenior called him "world class." Chelsea are showing signs that they could get cooking under new leadership.

⚽ Roma 3–3 Juventus (March 1) — Six goals, four in the second half, a last-gasp equalizer in the 93rd minute. Juventus were dead and buried at 3-1 down before two late goals saved them — the second coming from a flick-on by Weston McKennie, whose knockdown found Federico Gatti to poke home. USMNT fans, your guy kept Juventus' Champions League hopes alive. The Old Lady thanks you, Weston.

⚽ Real Madrid 0–1 Getafe (March 2) — Yes, really. The reigning Champions League holders lost at home to Getafe, one of La Liga's scrappier sides. Real Madrid's title defense is well and truly wobbling.

The closest ever Premier League title race was decided not by points, but by goal difference on the final day.

Which two clubs were level on points?

A) Arsenal & Chelsea   
B) Man City & Man United   
C) Liverpool & Arsenal   
D) Man City & Liverpool

Keep scrolling for the answer.👇

Ninety-seven days. That's roughly the same time it would take to watch every episode of The Sopranos twice. Use your time wisely.

I once had a fella in The Tap-Inn, grand gesture, announces he's buying a round for the whole bar. Big cheer, everyone's delighted. Then he leans over the counter and whispers to me — 'you'll cover it, yeah?'

That's ladies and gents, is FIFA. They rolled into Foxborough, Massachusetts, announced seven World Cup games at Gillette Stadium, got the cheers — and then left the town of 18,000 people holding a bill nobody agreed to pay. The disagreement centers around a bill of $7.8 million that the town estimates will be the cost of beefing up police and fire services during the 39-day tournament.

The World Cup committee says the money's coming. But the town's board isn't buying a round for anyone until they see the cash up front. March 17th is the deadline. No deal, no license, no games.

The fella at the bar, by the way? Legged it before the drinks arrived.

Population: 525,000.

World Cup appearances: about to be 1.

Underdog energy: off the charts.

Knickname: Tubarões Azuis (Blue Sharks)

Captain Ryan Mendes is the heartbeat of this team. The 35-year-old forward is Cape Verde's most capped player and all-time leading scorer. This World Cup will be his first and almost certainly his last. A man who has waited his whole career for this moment. You’ve gotta root for that.

In defense, keep an eye on Logan Costa, the only Cape Verde player competing in one of Europe's top five leagues, playing for Villarreal in La Liga.

Roberto "Pico" Lopes — a central defender from Dublin, Ireland. Born to a Cape Verdean father and Irish mother, he played youth soccer for the Republic of Ireland, never got a senior call-up, and figured that was that.

When he was in college, one of his modules required him to set up a LinkedIn account. Years later, he received a message from the then-coach, written in Portuguese, which he initially mistook for spam and ignored. Nine months later, the coach messaged him again — this time Pico ran it through Google translate, realized it was a genuine international call-up, he’s played 42 times for them since.

Turns out Linkedin was good for something after all. Maybe I need to update my profile.

Sláinte.

On this day in 1979, USMNT great, Tim Howard was born in New Jersey. If you're just getting into the game, this guy is worth knowing.

Howard came up through the MLS, earned himself a move to Manchester United at 24, and saved a penalty against Arsenal in the Community Shield on his debut. Not a bad first day at the office. After that, things didn’t really work out for Tim at Old Trafford, but he landed at Everton and that became home for the USMNT international. He ended up spending 10 years there.

121 caps for the USMNT. The man was your wall for over a decade.

Happy birthday, Tim. 🍻

Manchester United's 1995-96 Umbro away. Grey houndstooth, "Sharp Viewcam" on the chest. A decent shirt that never got a fair shot.

United wore it four times and didn't win once. Then came April 13th at Southampton — 3-0 down at halftime, and they came out for the second half in a completely different kit.

Their manager, Sir Alex Ferguson's excuse? The players couldn't see each other in grey. He actually hired a vision specialist who warned him grey made players hard to spot against a packed crowd — same reason you wear bright yellow on a motorway.

United lost 3-1 anyway, and got fined £10,000 for the switch. The grey kit was never worn again.

Utd still won the league that year. The shirt did not get a medal.

B) Man City & Man United.

Both teams finished level on 89 points in the 2011/12 season. City were crowned champions because they had a superior goal difference of +64 compared to Utd’s +56.

Here is the goal that clinched it.

Goal difference is calculated from a teams goals scored minus what they conceded. So to have a GD of +64, Man City scored 64 more goals than they conceded in that season.

Thanks for stopping by The Tap-Inn.

If you enjoyed this, please do forward it to that friend who knows nothing about soccer and help spread the good word.

I’ll be behind the bar every week, Monday and Friday, serving up soccer. Sláinte.

— Joe