You're offside, mate
Plus: Wrexham's big day and Haaland's Anfield moment
👋 Welcome…
...to The Tap-Inn. Where you can tap in to the world of soccer with me, your first-gen Irish Tap-Inn bartender, Joe.
Good day. That thing you think you kind of understand but can’t actually explain to anyone is finally having its day at The Tap-Inn.
“Offside?? Do we have to??”
Yes. Also on tap today:
✨ Why Feb 9th is a special day for Wrexham
✂️ The benefits of cutting your toenails
💨 The quickest PL hat trick of all time
Vamos.
🥃 TOP SHELF
Offside explained
Flagged.
It's 10:12pm on a Friday — famously, a bad time to be a beer. You’ve got a hankering for a hammering and have just stepped outside The Tap-Inn to make a quick call to the Mrs. that no, you won't be making it to that couples’ pilates class in the morning.
A quick 17-minute earful later, you turn to head back in and discover that a line has formed and Big Tony’s now checking IDs. You reach for your wallet and…“f***.” You've left it on the bar counter. Poor memory — curse of the inebriate.
Your mate John is still sat there nursing his pint, so you ring him to pass it out to you. Now here’s the analogy. In this situation, do you:
A) Stay at the back of the line, receive your ID from John, then show it to the bouncer when it's your turn.
B) You skip the entire line, receive your ID from John, and show it to the bouncer — ahead of the four people who were waiting before you.
If you chose option B) I've got bad news, my friend — in soccer terms, you've been caught offside.
“Am more confused now than before, bro”
Alright, here's the actual rule:
See below. An attacking player (1) is offside if they're closer to the opponent's goal than the last defender (2) at the moment the ball is kicked to them. Not when they receive it, but when it's passed (3).
The blue and red lines below are simply depicting how the Man United player is in an offside position ahead of the Man City player. And the linesman (referee) in the bottom left is perfectly placed to see it.
Amad Diallo (1) caught half a yard offside against Man City.
There’s some exceptions to the rule, of course. You can’t be offside:
in your own half
from throw-ins, goal kicks, or corners
“Okay, slightly less confused now. But why bother with the rule?”
Without it, teams would just park a striker at the opponent’s goal and hoof it forward all game. The offside rule forces actual build-up play i.e., better soccer for everyone.
⏰ TLDR: Don't be ahead of the last defender when your teammate passes you the ball. That's it. That's the rule.
Now you know, folks. Don’t skip the line.
🗞️ THIS WEEK IN SOCCER
Premier League roundup
In summary, 🥶🙈😬😡
Key results below:
🔫 Arsenal 3-0 Sunderland: the league leaders cruised past Sunderland with two from Gyökeres. Arsenal now six points clear at the top.
💙 Chelsea 3-1 Wolves: the Blues kept their top-five hopes alive with a hat trick from Cole Palmer.
📈 Man United 2-0 Spurs: Carrick's red-hot United make it four wins in a row against 10-man Tottenham after Romero was sent off. United stay fourth, Spurs stuck in 14th and winless in seven.
💣 Man City 2-1 Liverpool: Szoboszlai's free-kick looked to have won it before Bernardo Silva equalized and Haaland buried a 93rd-minute penalty for his first-ever Anfield goal. Szoboszlai got himself a red card in stoppage time for good measure.
Five years of Hollywood magic
That’s some good scarf holding, boys.
Today marks five years since Ryan Reynolds and Rob McElhenney decided that since they were $300K short of the most expensive Irish Whiskey in the world, they’d just buy themselves a soccer club instead.
In that time, the Welsh side have climbed from England's fifth tier all the way to the Championship (England’s second tier), nailing three promotions in a row, now daring to dream big with the Premier League just one more promotion away. Not bad.
Saturday's 2-0 home loss to Millwall wasn't in the script though. Millwall have now opened up a six-point buffer between the two sides in the race for automatic promotion. The good news? Wrexham still sit sixth, inside the playoff places.
The Hollywood ending is still on the table.
Champions League knockout play-offs preview
The man who writes his own scripts.
The business end of Europe's elite competition begins this week with the knockout phase play-offs. Sixteen teams fighting for eight spots in the Round of 16.
The biggest storyline? José Mourinho's Benfica facing Real Madrid after dramatically beating them in the final group game to sneak into the playoffs. The Special One gets another crack at his former club — this time over two legs.
First legs run Tuesday and Wednesday this week, with the return legs the same days next week. Winners advance to the Round of 16, where the top eight seeds — Arsenal, Bayern Munich, Liverpool, Tottenham, Barcelona, Chelsea, Sporting CP, and Man City — are ready and waiting.
📝 TRIVIA ON TAP
What's the fastest hat trick ever scored in the Premier League?
Keep scrolling for the answer. 👇
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🔥 QUICKFIRE
Sound like a pro
Yes, you can even be a toenail offside.
Phrase: “they’ve gone too early”
Origin: Been around since the offside rule was introduced in the 1860s - coaches have been yelling this at strikers ever since.
Definition: When an attacker makes their run before the ball is played, putting themselves in an offside position. Timing is everything.
Usage: "Brilliant pass, but the striker's gone too early — he was offside when the ball left the midfielder's foot."
On this day
Back when players looked older than their managers. Just look at that mane.
🗓️: Trevor Francis (above, left) becomes Britain's first £1 million player when he signed for Nottingham Forest. His coach Brian Clough insisted the fee was £999,999, as he refused to let Trev become known as, “a million pound player” and rather just, “a player”.
In today's money, that's about £4.5 million — just about enough to cover 10 days’ worth of Cristiano Ronaldo’s salary or a backup left back.
Kit of the week
Paul McGrath at Ireland’s second-ever World Cup.
Ireland, US ‘94 World Cup 🇮🇪: First donned by Roy Keane and the Boys in Green 32 years ago, I've been wearing mine daily behind the bar to manifest us qualifying for another North American WC this summer. The regulars think I've lost it.
They're probably right.
📝 TRIVIA ANSWER
Sadio Mané - 2 minutes 56 seconds
The Senegalese forward scored the fastest Premier League hat trick for Southampton against Aston Villa in May 2015. That’s the same amount of time it would take for you to share this email with a couple of friends.
Just a thought.
Until next time…
Thanks for stopping by The Tap-Inn.
If you enjoyed this, forward it to that friend who knows nothing about soccer and help spread the good word.
I’ll be behind the bar every week, Monday and Friday, serving up soccer. Sláinte.
— Joe