As if Mondays weren’t tough enough, the greatest player of all time — Lionel Messi — has just announced his retirement from international soccer. If anyone needs me, I’ll be in the back crying (and watching all 125 of his goals for his country).

On tap today:

It’s Tap-Inn time.

Regular patrons of The Tap-Inn will know one of my favorite things about the game of soccer is promotion and relegation. I covered the topic back in April as last season’s Premier League was coming to an end.

So I thought it was time to dig a little deeper and prove it to you all that US sports need to follow suit.

Over a two-parter we’re going to look at how it works, who got promoted this year, how it differs from US sports and the MLS and why it all matters so much for Wrexham owners Ryan Reynolds and Rob Mac.

“Sounds like a lot to cover Joe, where do we start?”

Let’s start with the league format.

Twenty teams start the Premier League season and the bottom three at the end of it are removed. Not fined, not handed a high draft pick. Removed, down to the division below, the Championship.

Three clubs come up to replace them. The top two in the Championship go up automatically, and then the teams who finish third through sixth play a knockout, with one game at Wembley deciding the last spot.

Last season Coventry City won that division by eleven points and Ipswich Town took second. Hull came sixth, then won that Wembley game 1-0 with a goal in the 95th minute in front of 84,506 people. That single afternoon is reckoned to be worth around $270 million to the club that wins it.

“About the same amount you took in last St Patrick’s Day then?”

Give or take…

MLS follows the US pro sports model where a team must pay to enter the league. San Diego shelled out $500 million to join MLS and Charlotte paid $325 million before them. Toronto got in for $10 million back in 2007, which now looks like the best round anyone has ever bought.

In contrast, Coventry paid nothing at all to join the world’s richest league. They earned it the hard way by winning the division below.

In fact, since 1992, 51 different clubs have played in the Premier League and only six have been there every single season. The NFL has had the same 32 teams since 2002.

Here's the real difference though. In the NFL, finishing last gets you the first pick and teams will openly plan a season around it. In England, finishing last gets you thrown out of the league, and there's no draft waiting to soften the landing. No lottery, no compensation pick, nothing. Being bad isn't a strategy here, it's a cliff and sometimes a death warrant.

Which is why a Tuesday night game in April between two clubs you've never heard of, with nothing at the top of the table on the line, can still be the tensest thing on television.

“So who got promoted this year and are they any good?”

On Friday, we'll get into what usually happens to clubs that get promoted, and what all of this means for Wrexham who finished just two points away from being in the Premier League this year.

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/ðə ˌɡreɪt ɪˈskeɪp/ 🔊

phrase · soccer

USED IN A SENTENCE

"They were cut adrift in March and now they're a point clear with two games left. Proper West Brom stuff, this."

And the transfer window shuts tomorrow.

Quick version for anyone new: clubs can only buy and sell players during two set periods a year. This one closes at 6pm ET Tuesday, and the next one doesn't open until January. Miss out now and you're stuck with what you've got until then, injuries and all.

There's a two-hour grace period afterwards for paperwork, which is why deals get announced at what looks like a ridiculous hour of the night.

Expect a lot of nonsense between now and then.

Saturday night he scored four in a 7-1 win over Montréal, the biggest win Inter Miami have ever had. Enjoy all four goals here.

And then this morning, he announced he's done with Argentina. 20-something years of Messi in blue and white is over. Just like that.

So July's World Cup final, the 1-0 loss to Spain at MetLife, was the last time he'll wear that jersey. He's 39 and he leaves as his country's all-time leading scorer and most-capped player.

Here's the part that got me: He wrote the letter two days after that final and sat on it for six weeks. He only posted it after losing his father Jorge this month.

He did retire once before, back in 2016. He returned within weeks. This one reads differently though. He'll keep playing in Miami. But Argentina is over.

Club and country: Manchester United and Portugal

What he did this weekend: Three goals and an assist as United came from behind to beat Ipswich 5-2. Four goal involvements in one Premier League game, which he'd never managed before in his career.

Fact: Since 2020 he's played more minutes than any other player in Europe's five biggest leagues. The man does not sit down.

Toast: A Super Bock, brewed a few miles from where he grew up, and the only correct order north of Lisbon.

Follow him here: @brunofernandes8

⚽ Goal of the week: Cole Palmer went through Brighton on his own in the 74th minute to win it for Chelsea.

🎉 Fanzone: West Ham lost at home to Charlton in front of 62,264 people, a Championship record and the biggest crowd anywhere in England that weekend.

📅 On this day: August 31, 2004, an 18-year-old Wayne Rooney left Everton for Manchester United, the most expensive teenager in the world at the time.

👕 Wardrobe watch: Crystal Palace have gone white at home to mark 50 years of ‘the sash’, shunting their famous red and blue stripes onto the away kit.

🐣 Underdog corner: League One Peterborough went to Championship side Watford in the Carabao Cup on Tuesday and won 5-1.

👆 Most clicked from Friday: Wrexham's new home shirt, embossed with barriers from the old Kop terrace.

Thanks for stopping by The Tap-Inn.

If you enjoyed this, forward it to that friend who knows nothing about soccer and help spread the good word.

I'll be behind the bar every week, Monday and Friday, serving up soccer. Sláinte.

Joe

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