..to The Tap-Inn. Where you can tap in to the world of soccer with me, your first-gen Irish Tap-Inn bartender, Joe.

Salud, amigos. On today’s menu:

Let’s tap in.

18 Games. One Night. Many, many storylines.

A whopping 36 teams pulled up a stool on Wednesday night to the final round of the Champions League group stage to see where they’d be sitting as clubs settled into their final position on the table.

“36 teams? Holy heck. What are they playing for?”

Excellent question, reader.

They’re all hoping to make it through to the R16 (Round of 16) i.e. the next stage in the competition. As you can see above, just the top eight teams qualified directly.

The teams placed from 9^th to 24^th will be competing in the Knockout Round Playoffs to reduce these 16 teams to eight.

That’s eight teams directly through + eight teams who will come through the playoffs which = 16 teams in the R16.

“Blah blah blah. Booorrringgggg. What about this goalkeeper already???”

At 10.01pm GMT on Wednesday, with 97 minutes gone on the referee’s watch — and already heroically beating Real Madrid 3-2 in a match they needed to win to have any chance of making the knockout rounds — Benfica found themselves level on points with Marseille (see table above) and set for elimination from the competition.

It was the last of 16 games that hadn’t heard the full-time whistle. The only way the Portuguese side could progress was scoring one more goal to put them ahead of Marseille on goal difference. They were playing against 9 men.

The stage couldn’t have been more set.

Enter Benfica’s GK, Anatoliy Trubin.

The 6′ 6″ giant incredibly headed home in the opposition box with the last touch of the game to make it a 4-2 win, sealing Benfica’s place in the R16 playoffs and another iconic moment in the José Mourinho managerial scrapbook.

Yes, reader. It was a goalkeeper who scored the goal they needed. In the last minute. Against Real Madrid. You couldn’t write it.

The goal also bumped Madrid out of the top eight and into the playoffs with Benfica where they’ve been drawn against…Benfica. You really, really couldn’t write it.

Another round of last-minute winners anyone?

With the transfer window soon slamming shut, teams are scrambling to get some last-minute deals over the line. The biggest PL moves on the table right now:

Monday is soccer’s last call for any clubs looking to buy, sell or trade their players in the January transfer window.

So here's the question: Which Brazilian moved from Liverpool to Barcelona for $160m in 2018 as the most expensive January signing of all time?

Answer below. 👇

On the off-chance you’ve got a clean $100,000 burning a hole in your back pocket, today’s your lucky day.

The MSC Magnifica World Cruise is offering a 132-day/131-night jaunt around 5 continents and 33 countries in 2026 — the perfect amount of time for you to leave today and disembark on June 11^th for World Cup lift-off.

If you’d rather spend the brick on actually watching some World Cup ball however, look no further…

FIFA are kindly offering 8 matches at MetLife Stadium (including the final) in their Ultra-Premium Experience/Pitchside Lounge Plus package for an eye-watering, eye-gouging price of $73,200 per person — the most expensive official package available.

Or you could always watch it at The Tap-Inn of course, for the cool price of a single Miller High Life. The choice is yours.

Phrase: "deadline day"

Origin: Transfer windows had existed in various forms worldwide before UEFA standardised them across Europe in 2002-03.

Definition: The final day of either of the two annual transfer windows when clubs can buy and sell players. In Europe, it's usually near the end of January and August. It always gets a bit manic and senseless though and is the soccer equivalent of Black Friday.

Usage: "It's transfer deadline day. Guess we better blow $100m on a striker with one goal in 192 games”.

January 31^st 2011: Yes reader, I am aware today is indeed January 30^th. But rules are for breaking. Except when serving Guinness in anything other than a Guinness glass. That will see our staff’s asses getting a breaking.

In one of the most dramatic deadline days of all time, Fernando Torres forced his way out of Liverpool to Chelsea $69m deal, funding panicked $50m and $35m moves for Andy Carroll and Luis Suárez (who nobody'd ever heard of).

Carroll flopped and Suárez went on to become a Premier League great — that’s deadline day in a nutshell.

Presenting, Benfica goalkeeper Anatoliy Trubin’s Champions League touchmap:

Nice one, Trubs.

The history books would record this move as a bigger win for Liverpool than for Barca — they spent their proceeds on club legends Alisson and Virgil Van Dijk who in 2020 both led the Reds to their first Prem title in 30 years.

More importantly though, it resulted in a cracking tune. 17m listens can’t be wrong, can they?

Thanks for stopping by The Tap-Inn.

If you enjoyed this, forward it to that friend who knows nothing about soccer and help spread the good word.

I’ll be behind the bar every week, Monday and Friday, serving up soccer. Sláinte.

— Joe