..to The Tap-Inn. Where you can tap in to the world of soccer with me, your first-gen Irish Tap-Inn bartender, Joe.

This week: unconscious bartenders, trashcan goals, and 213 days until the big thing.

Ready? I thought so. Let’s tap-in.

Picture this: it’s 8pm on a Saturday night. The Tap-Inn is starting to fill up and I’ve got six of my best bartenders behind the bar. We’re all set for a busy night of pouring cold ones and referring to every single customer as “boss”, “chief” or “big man”. We’re living the proverbial dream.

But disaster strikes. Our new bartender Tommy — so keen to prove that the flair bartending skills he claimed (with a little more enthusiasm than truth) in his interview are real — has inadvertently landed the bottle of Jamo he tossed over his head right between his eyes.

He now finds himself lying dazed on the barfloor tiles, struggling to remember his own name, let alone the ingredients for a Singapore Sling.

“He can’t remember who he is? Tell ‘em he’s the f*cking Gordon Ramsay of bartenders and get him back on his feet”

With Tommy not receiving my advice as I had hoped, it’s looking like he’s going to have to clock out early. It’s time for me to call in someone else from the roster. It’s time, for a substitution.

Quicker than you can say joehurryupwiththeanalogyandtellmewhatasubstitutionis, our weekday barman Dan has answered our call and arrived with a barspoon in one hand and a red bull in the other, and we’re good to continue with our service.

Soccer, just like the story above, involves people getting injured — all the time. In 1958, soccer’s rulemakers officially declared that when a player got injured, the coach could take them off and send a new player on in their place.

Unlike most US sports, soccer limits how many times you can swap players during a game. Today’s rules dictate that clubs can make up to five substitutions from the nine players allowed on the bench, but they don’t all have to be for injured players.

Why else do teams swap their players?

Now please excuse me while I go pick Dan back up off the floor.

City poured themselves a smooth 3‑0 win in Pep Guardiola’s 1,000th game in charge. Erling Haaland snagged his 14th goal in 11 games, while Liverpool barely managed a sniff — just one shot on target all game. The result lifts City up to 2nd in the league.

On Saturday Wrexham extended their 5-game unbeaten run, grinding out a 1‑0 home win thanks to a 77th‑minute penalty from Josh Windass. The Reds are up to 13th in the table.

Messi ran the show with two goals and two assists, steering Inter Miami to a dominant 4‑0 win and a spot in the next round of the Eastern Conference playoffs.

That’s 213 days in which you could be telling your friends to subscribe to The Tap-Inn. Just a thought.

Fun fact: 2026 will be Mexico’s third time hosting the World Cup (this time as a co-host with the USA and Canada) after 1970 and 1986.

When someone scores a goal into the top corner of the net. When you hear a commentator say “Straight into the top bins!”, he means straight into the top corner.

Luiz Diaz vs Union Berlin. The former Liverpool forward is on fire at his new club, Bayern Munich. A great example of Top Bins.

We’re going retro this week. Man Utd’s track jacket from the 88-90 seasons. You can buy it for $419.99 using the link below. Personally, I think it’s priceless. Beauty.

Thanks for stopping by The Tap-Inn.

If you enjoyed this, forward it to that friend who knows nothing about soccer and help spread the good word.

I’ll be behind the bar every week, Monday and Friday, serving up soccer. Sláinte.

— Joe