👋 Welcome..
..to The Tap-Inn. Where you can tap in to the world of soccer with me, your first-gen Irish Tap-Inn bartender, Joe.
It’s deadline day. On today’s menu:
💸 Soccer’s ‘Black Friday’ explained
👴 The World Cup’s oldest goalscorer
🔮 The Nostradamus of transfer reporters
It’s tap-in time.
🥃 TOP SHELF
The Transfer Window and Deadline Day
“What do you mean we’re live”
It's 11.54pm on a Saturday. Your local dive bar has flashed the lights for last call and your buddy Jimmy’s Uber to the club is almost outside. You’re content with your evening’s work thus far — disappearing 7 pints of Guinness and a couple shots of Jamo in no time.
But without rhyme or reason, you suddenly get the feeling that your body is insufficiently hydrated. You start to scramble, to panic. With more money than sense (and still both in short supply), you order a shot of Rémy Martin XO Cognac — four of them.
You reach the club and suddenly realise what you really needed was a glass of water and some peanuts — not some overpriced European hot-shot. Hindsight: famously the foresight of a gobsh*te.
“And the relevance of all of this Joe is?…”
The above is a brief synopsis of the state of affairs across European soccer right now. Today, ladies and gents, is Transfer Deadline Day.
It’s the last day of the January Transfer Window and therefore the last chance for clubs to buy, sell, trade, or loan players until the summer. And just like that last-call scramble, things can get messy, expensive and absolutely senseless.
It’s just like NBA or NFL Trade Deadlines, but louder, global and with a shedload of soccer reporters standing outside club training grounds.
"Okay cool, but back up a sec. What's a Transfer Window?"
Great question. Let me break it down.
In soccer, teams can't just swap players whenever they feel like it. There are only two specific periods each year when European clubs can officially buy and sell players:
The Summer Window: usually July to late August/September. The big one. This is when most moves happen because teams are fresh off of one season and preparing for the next.
The January Window: The panic window. Teams who started the season poorly try to fix things. Injured squads get reinforcements.
Outside these windows? You're stuck with what you've got. No trades. No signings. Nada.
Most smart clubs do their business early in the window. They identify targets and calmly negotiate deals. Then there are other clubs that wait… and wait… and wait. And it is these clubs that we have to thank for the three staples of any transfer deadline day:
💸 Panic Spending — $60m for a striker with one goal in 19 games, anyone? Crystal Palace’s move for Wolves’ Jørgen Strand Larsen was first reported over a week ago and somehow the dotted line was only signed today.
🚁 Private Jets — Players get flown across Europe for last-minute medicals. Fans become flight tracking experts.
😱 Deals Falling Apart — Sometimes a player fails a medical. Sometimes people just change their mind. Or sometimes deals collapse because someone literally forgot how to use the fax machine.
⏰ TLDR: the transfer window is soccer's designated shopping period (Summer & January). Clubs can buy/sell players only during these windows. Deadline day = last-chance panic-buying where logic dies and the best and worst signings can happen.
You can consider yourself tapped in.
🗞️ THIS WEEK IN SOCCER
Premier League roundup
The most eye-catching results of the weekend:
Arsenal got back on track with a thumping 4-0 win at Leeds.
Liverpool recorded their first league win in 6 games with a comfortable 4-1 victory over Newcastle. Hugo Ekitike at the double and Florian Wirtz with his fourth goal in seven games.
Chelsea came from two goals behind in the London derby to defeat West Ham 3-2 thanks to an injury time winner from Enzo Fernández.
A late goal for struggling Benjamin Sesko sealed a 3-2 win for Manchester United after Fulham's Kevin — no last name, just Kevin — had initially equalized 2-2.
Tottenham fought back from 2-0 down to snatch a 2-2 draw with Manchester City thanks to a Dominic Solanke double.
Deadline day latest
In a relatively calm deadline day (for now), here’s all you need to know:
Jean-Philippe Mateta’s move to Christian Pulisic’s AC Milan is off after failing a medical.
Arsenal are scrambling for midfield cover after Mikel Merino suffered a suspected broken foot on Saturday with Bayern Munich’s Leon Goretzka in the mix.
And Ricardo Pepi? The USMNT striker's move from PSV to Fulham is officially off. The Dutch side wanted more money, and with Pepi injured until mid-March anyway, this one's getting kicked down the road to summer.
📝 TRIVIA ON TAP
Old but gold
Scoring at 37 years & 292 days was only good enough for 3rd place on the list for Cristiano.
Who is the oldest player to ever score in the World Cup?
Keep scrolling for the answer.
🔥 QUICKFIRE
Sound like a pro
Mr Deadline Day himself.
Phrase: "Here we go!"
Origin: Italian transfer guru Fabrizio Romano's signature phrase when a deal is officially done and dusted. Fans refresh his Twitter feed obsessively during transfer windows just to see those three words.
Definition: The magic words that confirm a transfer is 100% happening — contracts signed, medicals passed, announcement imminent.
Usage: "Is Danny making it out for pints tonight?”, “100%. He just got someone to cover his shift — ‘here we go’ confirmed.”
Goal of the week
Take a bow, Dom.
Rarer than a Tap-Inn Guinness poured in under 2 minutes, “scorpion kick” goals are as elusive as they are wonderful. Enjoy every angle of Dominic Solanke’s inspired equaliser for Tottenham against Manchester City on Sunday here.
Last call
You can’t park there, mate.
Pour one out for Peter Odemwingie, who on deadline day 2013 drove himself to rival club QPR for a transfer that hadn't actually been agreed yet. Poor Pete sat in the car park for hours doing live TV interviews in a deal that never got done.
Should've waited for the "Here we go" Pete. Should've waited.
📝 TRIVIA ANSWER
Roger Milla
The man with the moves.
The Cameroon legend scored at the 1994 World Cup in the USA aged 42 years and 39 days. The record still stands and likely will for a while. Unless a certain 45-year-old Cristiano Ronaldo fancies one last dance at the 2030 World Cup, of course.
Until next time…
Thanks for stopping by The Tap-Inn.
If you enjoyed this, forward it to that friend who knows nothing about soccer and help spread the good word.
I’ll be behind the bar every week, Monday and Friday, serving up soccer. Sláinte.
— Joe